In 1789 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter to a friend “… in this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes.” We’ve heard this quote many times. Both topics are uncomfortable subjects. However, more uncomfortable than a heated discussion about taxes is a discussion of death, especially our own death.

Let’s start with a few big questions.

• Do you think about death more as you age?
• Does it feel like something far away or something a little too close for comfort?
• Do you avoid the subject entirely, hoping it’ll sort itself out one day?

You’re not alone. Talking about death, especially your own, is one of the last taboos in our culture. It makes many of us uncomfortable, and understandably so. Solo agers make all their own decisions, why not this one, too? According to a study by the Pew Research Center, nearly 30% of adults aged 60 and older in the U.S. live alone. That’s us.

If you’re part of a spiritual community, you might associate final arrangements with a type of religious service.  Or, you might have no religious affiliation. The Pew Research Center’s data shows a rise in religiously unaffiliated people, approximately 30%, in the U.S population. There has also been a steadily increasing trend toward cremation, accounting for over 60% of all final arrangements.

For me, I believe that there’s something more waiting for us—something beautiful—beyond this life. As a solo ager (whose birthday is approaching), I’ve been thinking more intentionally about how I want to honor the life I’ve lived, whenever that day comes.

When my parents were alive, my mother was adamant about planning ahead. My father? Not so much. But eventually, she was able to convince him, and together they prepaid for mausoleum spaces and documented their final wishes. When the time came, we didn’t have to guess what they wanted. Their thoughtful planning lifted an enormous burden from our shoulders. It was, truly, a gift.

As a solo ager without a spouse or children and a shrinking pool of close relatives, I have started to ask myself: What do I want when the time comes? Who will speak for me? It’s a deeply personal reflection that more of us need to have, especially those of us navigating this life on our own.

This article is about death, yes—but not in a morbid or depressing way. My hope is to shift the conversation into something more honest, empowering, and even hopeful. Let’s look at what it means to plan ahead—with compassion, clarity, and maybe even a bit of peace.

Legal Considerations: It’s Complicated if You Don’t Prepare

 Here’s something most people don’t realize: a funeral home cannot proceed with cremation without formal permission. If you’re someone who thinks, “Just cremate me—I won’t care, I’ll be gone,” it’s not quite that simple.

In Connecticut, for example, family members must be located to sign off on the cremation. And not just one — a majority must agree. If no one can be found or decisions are contested, your body will remain in storage while everything gets sorted.

If you die alone—what’s known as an “unattended death”—the medical examiner becomes involved, which can also complicate the process.

But there’s a solution: when you preplan, you can legally appoint someone to be your “custodian” for final arrangements. This can be a friend, a pastor, a lawyer, or anyone you trust. If no one is named, a probate judge might have to step in, but that only happens if someone files for custodianship.

It is important to note that a Power of Attorney (POA) ends upon death. So even if you have a POA in place, it won’t help when it comes to burial or cremation decisions. Similarly, while your Will names an executor, that role doesn’t become active for several weeks after your passing. That person cannot simply withdraw funds from your bank account to pay these expenses.

What does all of this mean? It means planning ahead can spare loved ones left behind or strangers who never knew you from making decisions on your behalf.

 

What Preplanning Actually Looks Like

 I spoke with licensed funeral director and preplanning specialist, Katy Black, from Neptune Cremation Service – Hartford, a provider listed on the Services page of our website, to understand how preplanning works. She told me that the process starts with listening—really listening—to your story, your values, and your concerns. It’s not about selling you something. It’s about understanding what you want and helping you create a plan that reflects your wishes.

One of the more unique offerings from Neptune is their ability to legally scatter ashes in natural settings—at sea in international waters off the coast of Florida or California, or in Colorado’s Rocky Mountain Forest. If water isn’t your thing, you’ve got land options. (A mountain view would be my preference.) If you prefer a more traditional approach, they can ship cremains to a cemetery (provided they will accept such a shipment) or family member of your choice.

Here’s a practical consideration: preplanning locks in today’s prices. We all know how inflation works. What costs $2,000 today might be over $4,000 a decade from now. When you prepay, your money must go into a separate, protected funding vehicle such as a trust or insurance, depending on the funeral home or direct cremation service of your choice—completely protected and only used for your final arrangements when the time comes.

You Can Take It with You (Sort Of)

If you’re holding off on preplanning because you might move after retirement, don’t worry. Neptune Cremation Service and its affiliated funeral homes have over 2,000 locations across 44 states, Canada, and Puerto Rico. Your arrangements can follow you wherever you go.

Even if you are just on vacation out of the state, country, or even on a cruise, they have you covered with their Away From Home travel protection program to get you back home if anything happens while you’re away! Consider it portable peace of mind. And you’re not alone. After being in business for 50-plus years, over 800,000 people have already made preplanning arrangements with them.

When you “shop” for such services, you should consider the stability of the provider.

Have Questions?

There’s no one “right” way to approach end-of-life planning. But doing nothing won’t bring you peace of mind. Even small steps now can bring big relief later. Here are some questions to consider:

• Are you a solo traveler or snowbird? What happens if something occurs while you’re abroad?
• Do you want your life honored in a particular way—through music, poetry, nature?
• Would having a plan in place bring you peace of mind?
• Do you want control over your life decisions throughout your whole life?

It’s not for everyone and you don’t have to make all the decisions today. A good first step is to start by gathering information. Neptune Cremation Service offers free, no-pressure consultations to help you understand your options. That’s a good place to start.

Preplanning your final arrangements isn’t about giving up—it’s about taking control. It’s about leaving behind clarity instead of confusion. It’s about choosing to honor your life, your way.

In the end, that might be the most powerful legacy of all.

RESOURCES

You can find Neptune Cremation services on the Services page of our website and find a location near your zip code.

You can reach out Neptune Cremation in Newington, CT directly here or by calling (860) 854-4944.

Visit their website to download their helpful resources: Cremation Answer Book, End-of-Life Planning Checklist, Veterans Death Benefits and Memorialization guide, and Grief Support Resources including The Guide to Pet Bereavement.